Carbonated Emotions

There are two parts to moving on: mentally and emotionally, the first of which is easier. You can consciously choose to move on in your head and therefore be mentally past whatever it is you are moving on from. However, you cannot necessarily control the emotional aspect of moving on. Sometimes you can think that you’re past something, really believe you are. You might say things like “I’ve chosen to deal with such and such and have moved above and beyond this…I am no longer allowing this to rule my life”. You can even live your life as if such a thing is true. And it may be true. But if you are [unexpectedly] put back into the situation or introduced to an evolved form of the situation even though you’ve made that decision mentally your emotions might not follow suit.

Life’s experiences can so deeply affect us that it is difficult to move on emotionally. Especially if you are the type of person to bottle up your emotions. They come out in unpredictable ways. Kind of like something under pressure–calm when not disturbed, volatile when shaken up. All of this time they, the emotions, have been held in, enclosed without escape, suddenly there is a small moment of vulnerability and everything spews out from within.

How do you fully move on from something? Because the feeling of moving on is a freeing feeling, I know, I’ve experienced it. I’ve experienced mentally moving on from something. And I’ve experienced the feeling of release and freedom from your bondage to that situation through mentally moving on. However, at the time I felt that I had fully moved on. Recently I realized, while I may have moved on mentally, I hadn’t completely moved on emotionally. That realization was a scary thought. I was forced back into a situation I thought I had freed myself from, forced to experience it again. It was painful, and I’m still trying to deal with my emotions and learn how to move on in that sense.

The only solution that I can come up with to help in the process of moving on from something fully is this: continued character growth, continued self-discovery, continued progress on the journey ahead. Finding out the “whys” and “hows” of the past. Choosing to embrace the things that have happened in your life as key experiences that have helped mould you into the person you are today. Choosing to deal with things instead of burying them underneath all the other baggage that is a part of your life. Not allowing yourself to focus on the past with of all its “what if this had happened” and “I wish I had done that better”. Instead, realizing the mistakes you made and taking those lessons away from the situation and bringing them along with you as you pursue your future.

I’m trying to figure this one out here because I’ve been without a solution for some time. I believe that the feeling of freedom is within my grasp, I just have to have the courage to move through everything to get there. It is a tough choice to make, one that will require a lot of strength, strength that I don’t necessarily have.

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