Archive for the ‘ Relationships ’ Category

Inspiration, Finally

I am a different person.

Let me be more specific: I am a different person than I was two months ago.

Two months ago I was searching, meandering through life. Doing everything and anything with the hope of finding some form of meaning or self-worth. I had lost many pieces of myself, pieces which made me into who I am. Things I valued, things I loved, things I wanted, things I didn’t. I was pursuing valueless things with disregard for any moral implications or social consequences. I was living for myself, not in a good way, but in a haphazardly selfish way.

Then something happened.

I cannot describe exactly what it was, because it was truly an experience that could not have happened had not each piece of the puzzle been placed exactly where it was. Somehow, I stumbled upon something so supremely unique and wonderful. I don’t know how I was privileged enough to have had this happen to me, but it did.

I met someone. Someone who, over the span of the past few weeks, has quickly become my world. Someone who means everything to me.

Now you may be thinking, ‘hah, this is typical. Girl meets boy. Girl falls for boy. But it’s just lustful infatuation. They’ll be together for a while but it won’t last.’ I can say wholeheartedly that this is not the case.

How do I know? Many reasons.

No one has ever inspired me on so many different levels. Since I have gotten to know this person, I have rediscovered things I used to value, chosen new paths to follow, closed doors that should never have been opened in the first place, found reason to seek after things that used to drive me, and reevaluated what truly matters to me.

To give this a bit more meaning:

  • I have rediscovered my love for food and cooking, two things that used to be very important to me
  • I have learned that meaningless relationships with no future are pointless and demeaning, and that meaningful relationships with commitment and care are the only kind of relationships that truly satisfy in all spheres of life
  • I have decided to make certain lifestyle choices to make me a better, healthier person
  • I have found new inspiration with which to express myself through the art of music
  • I have chosen once and for all to become drug-free and remain so for the rest of my life (this decision helped me really search myself and find that I never really liked drugs. Somehow it got buried along the way with all my other values when I stopped caring and went on my whole selfish eff-the-world-attitude spree)

Along with all of the above, I have also begun living my life without just myself in mind. I have fallen so deeply for this person that I am beginning to care so much about them that I want to do everything I can to make their life happier. I evaluate my decisions less from a selfish point of view and more from a point of view that takes others into consideration as well.

I cannot describe how much this person means to me. I cannot try to describe how much I care for this person. In such a short period of time, they have turned my world upside down and turned me inside out. And guess what? I like it. My life has never been in a more positive place.

———————————————————————————————————————-

I have made a choice
today and always
to be a better person

You have given me reason
to become,
something new and beautiful

And yet, it isn’t really new
it is something that was
there all along

You have helped me
rediscover who I am,
what really matters most.

That which I had lost,
you helped me find
and I found even more than I originally had

I am inspired,
I am renewed,
I am finally, truly, me.